And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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