I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Four minutes until I can fart!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
