Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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