well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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