my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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