I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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