i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
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I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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