Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
a search helicopter?!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize