it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
