Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
