The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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