im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
