Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
