made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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