love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
