she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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