I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He felt like a one man threesome
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
