Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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