we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I could fuck to npr.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
