So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
