haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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