took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Houston, we have a blender
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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