No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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