just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
