Do you still have your period?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
