How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This toilet bowl is my home.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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