Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
