Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I will die if light touches me.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
