Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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