It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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