What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
