if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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