ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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