Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Someone shit on the floor
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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