so that wasnt chicken after all
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
