so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
