his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
