Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I AM VODKA MAN
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
