Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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