At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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