She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
All I want is dick and wine.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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