dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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