Your dad touched me again.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
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I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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