I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
