Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
two words: eviction party
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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