Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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