Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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