I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
