If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
