You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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