I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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