either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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