So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
