Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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