i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
