he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
