I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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