Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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