I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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