He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
