She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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